Should You Use the Silent Treatment on Your Mate?

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There may come a time when you have a knock-down, drag-out argument with your partner, and before either of you say another word, you may need a time-out. How you handle that time out can be crucial to your relationship. At times, we may feel so hurt and angry that it's best just not to say another word. Other times, we need time to process the argument mentally before solving it. How many times have you vowed not to say a word to your partner after a blowout? It's usually not helpful - particularly when you use the silent treatment as a bargaining chip or to wield power over your partner -- but there are times when giving the silent treatment is a good strategy. When you don't communicate how your partner hurt you or how you're feeling, then there's no way to fix things. But if you're in a position where you're too emotional to convey your feelings properly or need time to cool off before you articulate them unproductively (i.e., screaming your head off), then it's important to give yourself that time to process. It's important to let your partner know, however, that you are taking time to do so and will pick up the discussion again when you're ready. If you need time alone, tell your partner why. It's important not to bolt from the location of the argument without telling your partner you need time alone. The silent treatment is hurtful, but perhaps your partner needs to feel that hurt in order to experience the pain you feel. You should communicate the beginning and end of the silent treatment - you don't want to not communicate indefinitely! When you feel ready to pick up the conversation again - calmly - let your partner know, and discuss what you think happened. You each should be allowed to tell your side of the story without interrupting.