If you have kids who are about to hit their teenage years, then you may have noticed an uptick in the chitchat, whether on the phone, online or when they have friends over. Girls in particular are eager to compare thoughts and experiences with their peers, while boys aren't usually as interested in sharing information about their relationships and behaviors. But how do you head off a gossip girl before things get out of hand? First of all, it's important to understand that talking about people - examining their motives, backgrounds and experiences - is completely normal and is important for socialization. However, it crosses the line into gossip when it puts down someone in order to increase someone else's social status. As with everything, lead by example. Don't let your tween catch you gabbing about someone else to a friend. Help your tween understand how hurtful gossip and rumors can be and that it's OK to stand up for another person who is the subject of gossip by simply changing the subject or condemning her friends outright for gossiping.
Help your child understand the motives of gossip - jealousy, peer pressure, popularity and just plain meanness. Teach her how to deal with those feelings when they arise so that she can head off a gossip session. Some kids use gossip as a pre-emptive strike or as a way to get the heat off of them if they're the subject of rumors. Explain that this tactic is wrong to your child and may make an enemy or two. Let her know that if she's caught gossiping, then the cost may be a friendship - not being forgiven is a real possibility. If you believe your daughter is a "mean girl," then it may be a good idea to monitor her online activity and cell phone, if she has one. Talk to her about why she's gossiping. If you keep the lines of communication open, then she may come to you before she even reaches "mean girl" status.