For many women (and men) who experience abuse in romantic relationships, a way out may not seem possible when the attacks continue to happen. Abusive relationships seem to hold victims in thrall, either too scared or too worried about the next steps, to escape. But leaving a violent situation is possible – with foresight, planning and support. For immediate help in dangerous situations, the police should be called, obviously. But when formulating a plan to leave, decisions may be a little less black-and-white. Remember that if you're being abused, you don't deserve it. You have the right to safety and happiness. Abuse often gets worse, so leaving sooner rather than later is advisable. And there are people available to help, whether they're family, friends or domestic abuse shelter workers. A hotline or shelter can help you prepare to leave by helping you plan and offering services to you and any children involved. If you're planning on your own or with a family member to leave, then consider the following. Even if you feel ambivalent about leaving – which is common – take the steps that offer you the option of leaving, should things escalate in the future.
This includes saving money, getting a cell phone, collecting mementos such as pictures, and gathering important documents such as identification, birth certificates, insurance information, etc. Be sure to have an extra set of car and house keys as well, in the event that your set is taken away. You are under no obligation to end it with your former partner, but if you choose to let him or her know that you are breaking it off, do so once you're far away and in a safe place. Never agree to see your partner again, even if he or she needs "closure" or fabricates any excuse to see you in person. Once you leave, set up a safety plan in the event of a confrontation. Change your habits in order to be less easy to track – changing routes to regular places such as work and home is one way of doing that. And finally, save any and all correspondence you receive. Emails, letters and voice mails can be helpful in court, should you choose to seek a restraining order – and you should.
