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Signs Your Partner is Too Controlling

Our founding fathers understood that freedom is an essential part of human happiness and their words can be taken as excellent dating advice.

While most of us value our freedom in everyday life, sometimes we can lose sight of it in the context of a romantic relationship. Excessive control is one of the most common relationship complaints -- and one of the top reasons cited for the demise of a romance.

When a woman first meets a man, she may not notice his domineering tendencies. Often, the watered-down version of his controlling traits is what she'll be exposed to first, and ironically, these can be pretty appealing in a man.{relatedarticles}

In many ways, he can come off as the "perfect" guy: protective, decisive and utterly devoted to her. However, in time, she may begin to notice behavior that crosses the line from chivalrous to downright domineering.

Of course, controlling behavior isn't always incurable; there are ways to address this issue if both partners are willing to confront it and take steps to deal with it. The first step is recognizing that a problem exists. The following is a quick checklist of signs that your guy might be controlling.

  • He snoops. The FBI, the CIA -- they've got nothing on your man. He checks your email, your phone and your FaceBook page in order to keep close tabs on you. It's a sneaky game, and it can make you feel as though your privacy has been violated. It's always best to keep your passwords secure and to discuss privacy issues early.
  • He isolates you. At first, it might mean he gets pouty whenever you feel like having a girls' night. Later, as the relationship gets more serious, he may try and draw you away from friends and family so he can have you all to himself. Learn to recognize disparaging comments about love ones and realize he might turning you against your significant others.
  • He thinks he's the wardrobe police. This is surprisingly common. Many men feel that their female companions should dress in ways that make them (the men, that is) happy. Whether he wants you to dress down so other guys don't notice you, or wants you to dress up all the time so he can show you off, this type of controlling behavior can wear on your nerves and make you feel uncomfortable.{relatedarticles}
  • He gives you no space. Being smothered is no fun; everyone needs room to breathe. No matter how much your guy says he loves you, it can be annoying and stressful to get excessive cell phone calls and texts throughout the day. Does his world revolve around only you and your relationship with him? Does he have few or no other strong friendships?
  • He's extremely jealous. Jealousy is at the root of the control issue for most men. They act the way they do because of an overwhelming fear/anxiety that they will lose the women in their lives. To avoid the pain, they will try and control every aspect of the relationship.
  • He makes unilateral decisions. It takes 2 to make a relationship, and the partners need to respect and consider each other's preferences. If your partner thinks he knows best all the time, it can lead to many uncomfortable exchanges and frustrating scenes.

Controlling Behavior: Why it Exists and What to Do About It

Sometimes, people just have dominant personalities and don't learn how to give in and share power with others. In other cases, fear and insecurity is at the root of a controlling nature. The latter can be especially difficult to address because insecurity and fear can wreak havoc on a relationship.{relatedarticles}

He will tell you that his emotional outburst is because his ex cheated on him with half the guys in town/spent all his money/was mean to him/insert bad behavior here. Whether this is true or not, it doesn't mean he can use it as an excuse or that you should use it as an excuse for him.

As long as you're looking at your significant other in a realistic light, take the time to look at yourself in the same way. Is there anything you do that enables his controlling behavior?

Many relationships in which excessive control is an issue are actually mutually controlling. People with similar psychological traits often gravitate to one another. Take a look at your own behavior and ask yourself whether you may also be letting insecurities and fears take over your relationship.

Or on the flip side, if you sit back and let him take the reins in most matters just to avoid having to deal with things yourself, he will feel that you're OK with him being in the driver's seat all the time.{relatedarticles}

There are ways to handle a controlling partner, but it's rarely an easy undertaking. If your relationship is far enough along that you're committed to each other and the controlling person admits to the problem, you can set some goals and limits together.

For example, discuss how you'd like more autonomy in decision-making and set a schedule to take turns deciding what activities you'll do as a couple.

For insecure/jealous partners, you may need to set some strong boundary lines when it comes to personal space. If you don't, the behavior will continue unchecked. Unfortunately, your demand for increased privacy will probably just reinforce his fear that you are indeed seeking outside relationships.


In many cases, these issues respond better to couples' therapy. A therapist can help you both work through the problems and can give you a course of therapy designed specifically for the 2 of you.

When to Leave

If the relationship is in its early stages and you're not in too deep, your best course of action might simply be to end it. You can talk with him first and see if things improve, but be realistic. You won't do yourself or your man any favors by allowing things to progress when you can already see the warning signs of failure.{relatedarticles}

Leaving a controlling partner is even more difficult when you've been together long enough to share bank accounts and children, so bailing early sometimes can be the smartest course of action.

Abuse is the most important reason to leave a controlling partner. Not all controlling men are violent, but excessive, one-sided control is a prominent feature in the clinical description of an abusive relationship. If your partner shows signs of violence toward you, and that includes frequent vicious verbal attacks, you need to seek help and leave the relationship for the sake of your own safety.

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Six Wonderful Reasons To Make Love Now

It's normal that after spending years as a couple, your sex life becomes a little stale. The urge to do it with your lover has reached its plateau. Sex has become a part of the chores. Those sizzling, sweltering, tantric, sex has somehow become the thing of the past.

Although there is no question about how you feel about each other, in fact, your feeling has even become more deep and secured, but somehow the sexual spark has died, and the burning flame of passion burned down. You love each other so much, but most of the time, you just want to read a book or watch the TV or have go to sleep, rather than have sexual intercourse to your partner.{relatedarticles}

Maybe all you need is a sexual catalyst or just a little reminder how great and beneficial sex if for your relationship and well-being.

Here are wonderful reasons to make love to your partner, when you feel like using the, "I have a headache" excuse.

* You promised to. Even though you didn't really specifically said, "to love, to honour and to make love three times a week," but when you promised to love, and to hold, for richer and for poorer, it goes without saying that sex would be a part of that promise. I hate to say it ladies, but yes, it is your obligation.{relatedarticles}

* When you do it, it lessens the stress and eases the pain. Orgasm triggers oxytocin and endorphins which has an amnesic and anaesthetic effects that can last for as long as five hours. So in that period of five hours, you'll forget about your pains, your worries, and your anxieties. So stop with your, "I have your headache" excuse, cause sexual intercourse actually relieves your headache.

* When you make love, it will put you in a good light. Every time you have sex and makes it as pleasant as possible. Your partner' brain will relate you into something that is wonderful and pleasant. This is the main reason why couples who never ceases to have wonderful sex still find their partner irresistibly adorable. So, if you want to be irresistible to your honey bunch, think twice before you refuse to have sexual intercourse to him.

* When you make love, it fires up the passion. It's the passion that keeps your relationship special and intimate, it's what separates you from being his best friend or confidant. It's not that there is something wrong as being his best bud, but it's nice to his all around girl. It makes your man loyal and faithful, because all he was looking for in a woman are all rolled into one in you.{relatedarticles}

* When you make love, it makes you lose weight. Have you been dying to get rid of that love handles? Or wanting to fit into that skinny jeans of yours? Then double time with sexual action, because you can lose a minimum of two hundred calories.

* When you make love, it makes your heart healthier. That's literally and figuratively speaking. But literally speaking, women who have sex more often have higher levels of estrogen that protect the heart against disease.

I can tell you a hundred more reasons to have sex tonight, but this is it for now. I hope these are enough reasons to jazz up your sex life.{relatedarticles}

About The Author

The author of this article, Ruth Purple, is a successful Relationship Coach who has been helping and coaching individuals and couples for many years. Get your copy of Ruth's ebook and learn how you can seduce any man that you fancy with so much ease and subtlety.

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Sex Survival Guide: What Every Woman Needs for Bedtime Play

art36163The contents of your nightstand drawer are important, so we'd like to pass on to you the items that every woman should have to enjoy the many pleasures of sex, whether you're married, dating, or single.

Your daily vibrator. Hitachi and Rabbit are popular brands for go-to vibrators, but the point is that you need one. Whatever your brand preference is, you need a reliable, get-her-done vibrator that you can count on in a pinch. This is the power-tool of your sex life, so if you haven't already got one in your bedroom drawer, research different brands and models before you choose.

A luxury vibrator. You probably have more than 1 purse. You have your everyday purse that you cram all your stuff in, the one you've been putting all your miles on. But you also have a stylish, designer purse that you can pull out when you really want to glam it up.

Vibrators are no different. A top-notch vibe from JimmyJane, a leader in luxury adult toys, can run as much as $175. But every woman needs to spoil herself every now and again. Every woman needs to spoil her vagina, too.

Lube that smells good. Some women don't normally use lube because they don't need it, but even if you're one of those women, you should have it around for special occasions - anal, marathon sex, sex with a guy you're not incredibly attracted to, and so on and so forth.

If you're going to use lube, it should be 2 things: nice-smelling, and intended for a vagina. Men will throw anything on there if you don't stop them: lotion, moisturizer, hair conditioner (yes, this happens, and to real people). So keep a bottle of lubricant on standby.

Be sure to investigate the ingredients, particularly if you have sensitive skin or any allergies, because that is not the type of reaction you want to have down there.

Something incredibly weird. That's right. Keep something raunchy in the bedroom. Think of this as a litmus test, the hovering needle on the freak meter, if you will.

It will cost less than $40 to add a ball gag, nipple clamps, and hand restraints to your collection, but the reaction on your partner's face when he (or she) realizes that you not only know how to use these naughty accoutrements, but also own them - priceless.

You'll keep them guessing, and you will be a sex goddess in the eyes of your partner's friends. And those friends will hear about it, and in graphic detail. Just acknowledge that reality right now.

If you don't have a headboard, a number of companies make a handy "under the bed" restraint system, and by all accounts, even if you just use it once, ever, you will have gotten your money's worth.

Contraceptives and STD protection. This is a real "duh" item on the list, but it must be mentioned. Whether you use condoms or birth control, whatever it is, just do it. If you're on birth control, you should still use condoms when you're having sex with a partner you're not in a monogamous relationship with. While you might not know what that person has, you know for a fact that you don't want it, so don't risk it.

Remember, condoms don't "spoil the mood" and if you're picky about sensation, there are some ultra-thin and lamb skin options. Keep a huge box of condoms stashed in a drawer no matter what but don't get a box so big that they are going to expire before you have time to use them. The only thing worse than not using protection is using it incorrectly, and believing that you're still safe.

Something for your clitoris. You need a little silver bullet for your clitoris, and many are cheap, basic, and shaped a lot like an egg. Many of them have an attached remote control to regulate pressure, vibration speed, and other features.

Something for your G-spot. The G-spot is not a myth; it is a real cluster of tissue in your vagina and you have access to it. Whether you have done that yet or not is a different story. If your eyes have already been opened to the exquisite splendor of G-spot stimulation, then you are probably nodding your head in agreement right now.

If you have not, then it's more than likely that the right toy will help you nail it (no pun intended). Unfortunately, sex toys aren't returnable and some can be quite expensive, so it will be difficult to "test" some out in order to experiment.

Batteries. A lot of things can get in the way of sexy time: stress, work, arguments, school, children, life. The last thing you need when you're getting down to business is to be blocked by a battery failure. Keep a box of them in your drawer, and be sure that you have the right size for each of your toys.

Lingerie. This is not just for the boys; it's important that you feel sexy for yourself, too. No, there's nothing wrong with flopping down in your sweats from a long day and getting into your own pants, or someone else's. Wear lingerie because it makes you feel good, confident, feminine, and sexy. Wear it alone, or wear it for your partner, or better yet, do both.

If you don't own any lingerie, there was never a better time to start your collection. It's best to start with something basic but whether you want a sheer black teddy or a pink laced bustier, make sure you try it on to ensure a good fit and comfort. In fairness, though, you'll probably only be in it for 5 to 10 minutes at a time.

A charged cell phone. Wait, what? In the event that anything should go awry - and we're not talking about failure to climax - you should have immediate access to a cell phone that you can use to call for help if you or your partner should be accidentally injured during sex. You never know. Stranger things have happened.

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