You're seeing someone new, and while the chemistry is there, you're just not sure if your compatibility extends past the bedroom. Finding love is never easy, but there are some relationship red flags that can tell you if your new courtship is all sizzle with no substance or if you should give your new relationship a chance to grow.
Relationship Red Flag: All Your Friends Hate Him
It's completely understandable that your new love interest might not instantly bond with all of your friends. Maybe they don't share any common interests or perhaps you have a friend working through some jealousy issues; however if you've introduced your new guy to several different friends and they all think he's a jerk, there maybe something to that.
While you need to form your own opinion, your friends also might be seeing something in him that you are not. So if they start complaining about your guy, listen openly and honestly to what they have to say. If several different people are all picking up on some off-putting or rude behavior, it could be a real sign that something isn't right.
Relationship Red Flag: The Ex is Still Around
Being friends with an Ex isn't always a red flag, but it's important to look at the dynamics of the relationship. Occasionally hanging out with his Ex and a few other friends is usually pretty harmless, but if your new guy is constantly spending time with an old girlfriend, calling or receiving phone calls/text/emails every few days, or keeps pictures of her around his house, it may be a sign that his old girlfriend is still a pretty important part of his life.
At this point you need to determine if they are really just friends or still harboring emotions that will make your life miserable. If your boyfriend isn't ready to leave his old girlfriend behind, he might not be ready to start a new relationship with you.
Relationship Red Flag: You Catch Him Lying
Everyone stretches the truth a bit from time to time, especially when the truth might really hurt someone's feelings, but some lies can be a red flag that something bad is going on behind the scenes.
It's one thing to tell a little white lie about a new haircut looking great or that the homemade dinner was of restaurant quality, but if you start catching your boyfriend lying about where he's been, who he was with, or even what he was doing, it could be a sign that something shady has-or is about to-happen.
Consistently lying about small, seemingly inconsequential things establishes a pattern that can easily lead to lying about the big stuff. There's no reason why your new guy should lie to you about going bowling with his buddies, so if he told you he was eating dinner at his grandma's house instead, you should start thinking about an exit strategy.
Relationship Red Flag: He Never Invites You Over
Relationships involve two people, so it's natural to involve two households. If he only ever wants to hang out at your place and never invites you over to his, something's just not right.
Perhaps he still lives with his parents and he's embarrassed about it. Perhaps he's married or involved with someone else. Or perhaps he's just a giant slob whose apartment should be quarantined. No matter what the reason is, if he flat out refuses to bring you back to his place, you need to find out why.
You'll want to know a little more about his domestic habits before you get too involved and decide to move in together, and you'll definitely want to know if you're the other woman and he already has someone else waiting for him at home.
Relationship Red Flag: He's a Control Freak
It is one thing to like things a certain way, but if your new boyfriend thinks it's his way or the highway, then it's time to keep driving. You are your own person with your own life, goals, dreams, likes, and dislikes. The last thing you need is some guy thinking he knows how to run your life better than you do.
If your new boyfriend constantly tells you what clothes to wear, how to talk, how to act, and so on, he isn't respecting you or your choices. What seems controlling now could become increasingly more abusive as time goes on, so if he isn't okay with letting you make your own decisions, it's time to send him packing.
Relationship Red Flag: He's Only Got Eyes For You
While being adored by a new boyfriend can feel pretty wonderful, if you are the only thing in his life he cares about, it could mean that he doesn't have anything else going on.
Healthy relationships occur when two independent people with their own lives and interests meet and like each other enough to spend time together. If he doesn't have any friends, hates his job (or has no job), hates his apartment, his life, etc. he's probably not ready for a healthy relationship with anyone and he may become very clingy or prone to smothering you with too much attention.
It's important for both of you to feel some confidence in who you are and what you want in order to give and take in a relationship with another person. If you are the only positive thing in his life, what are you getting out of the relationship?
Dating is usually harder than many of us would like-or like to admit-but sometimes knowing what to watch out for and what to avoid can save us early-on from relationship disasters and dead-end dating. If you find that these relationship red flags sound all too familiar, it may be time to ditch your guy and head back to the dating pool.
They say opposites attract, but if you and your new beau are more like oil and water (or cats and dogs) than milk and cookies, it's time to honestly assess your new relationship. These red flags should give you enough advance warning to get out of a bad relationship before it goes too far.
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