Today's Love Tip
Lately, there's one book that's on the tip of everyone's tongue - 50 Shades of Grey. E.L. James has made herself a household name by hastily scribbling a paltry S&M tale...and its subsequent two novels. But if Grey didn't float your boat... Read More
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Different Strokes: 15 Soft Spots That Drive Him Crazy

Have you been wishing lately that your honey had more yin than yang or was more like a babbling brook instead of rushing rapids? You are not alone. If your fellow is suffering from too much testosterone lately, then maybe you need to help him ease up on the accelerator by teaching him about getting in touch with his softer side.

What better way to reach his softer side than to awaken the soft spots in his erogenous zones that will leave him tingling instead of tumbling? Here is a list of all-time favorite soft spots that will drive him crazy from top to bottom.

The Scalp

Containing numerous glands and hair follicles, the scalp protects his busy brain when working overtime. To calm his mind, body, and soul, begin by running your hands through his hair with gentle circular strokes.

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This works well especially in the shower. If your partner doesn't have enough hair to work up lather then just squeeze your fingertips all along his scalp until you feel his stress slip away.

The Temple

With modern day hassles come modern day headaches, especially stress headaches that pound our temples like a set of drums. He might not even realize how tense is he until you start massaging his temples with soft tender strokes.


The Cheeks, Chin and Jowls

The cheeks are one of the softest and fleshiest parts of our bodies. However if your fellow shaves, his cheeks, chin, and jowls are under attack every day. Your gentle fingers along the jaw line and under the chin can make him forget about his 8 rounds with the razor that morning.

The Ears

The ears are a very sensitive area of our bodies, especially the soft and delicate ear lobe. The ears can be gently teased with kisses, licks and gentle tugs. For a more aggressive play, try thrusting your tongue into his ear and then perk up your ears to hear his reaction.

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The Neck

One of the most erogenous zones for men and women, the neck is also a place where we carry a lot of tension and baggage of the day. If your fellow is hunched over a computer all day, he may be experiencing a lot of neck pain and stiffness. A gentle message in this area can transform your growling tiger into a gentle pussycat.

The Elbow

If you can trigger the funny bone with a light tapping, you will create a sensation that will give your guy an experience that is strange and amusing. This one might be used best on someone you would like to start stroking more often that you don't know so well.


The Fingers

His fingers are another soft spot to focus on because they are quite sensitive. If you have any doubt, ask him to close his eyes and then place something of yours in his hands and see how he reacts. For a little more intensity, try suckling his fingers one at a time; he will soon make the connection that his fingers are standing in as double for another part of his body.

The Abs

Whether your fellow is sporting a six pack or has already gone a little soft around the middle, a gentle leisurely stroke along the abdomen may get him to suck in his gut with unexpected pleasure.

The Chest

Massaging his chest is another substitute for stroking his manhood and another opportunity to wrap your fingers around some more curls-if he is well endowed in this area. For a little more spice, focus on his nipples which are filled with nerves. Think of your caresses as a role reversal exercise to help him get in touch with his more feminine side.

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The Navel

The navel is where life began and is the soft spot where he first bonded with his mother. You can continue that special bonding feeling by touching his navel and the region around it with your finger or the tip of your tongue. He should experience a tingling feeling deep inside while experiencing a déja vu moment.


The Back

Professional masseuses earn very good money for their services. You will better understand why they are in such high demand after you see, hear, and feel the reaction of your man, after you have become his personal masseuse. Begin with a gentle rub all over his back and then concentrate on a problem area. The lower back or shoulders are good choices. To bring on a "gotcha reaction," try navigating your tongue along the center of his back and listen for the gasp of surprise and delight.

The Inner Thigh

Soft, smooth, and near and dear to his "yin" the inner thigh is a perfect area to caress with elongated strokes. You rhythmic movements will be a delightful tease.

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The Back of Knee

Similar to the elbow, the unique sensations from stroking the back of his knees with both confuse him and amuse him. It's the strangeness of this area that makes it a winning soft spot.

The Feet

Reflexology is an ancient healing technique that involves the message of the feet used to relieve tension and treat illnesses, based on the theory that there are reflex points particularly on the feet linked to every part of the body.


Since we tend to abuse our feet daily from hitting the pavement, a gentle massage will do wonders. For the best effect, place the palm of your hand on the sole of his foot and start rubbing, then branch out and rock the top of his foot back and forth until he starts to coo like a baby.

Between the Toes

Toes, like the fingers are highly sensitive, and also suffer from being confined by our shoes. To stimulate the toes, try gently separating them to create a special tingling effect.

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His Heart

This is the soft spot that truly is important and the one that you want to touch the most. To soften his heart, caress each of his soft spots while whispering softly a melody in his ears of how much you love and appreciate him.


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How to Make Bad Sex Better

Who says there's no such thing as bad sex?

While most men might argue that bad sex is better than no sex or that beggars can't be choosers, that's honestly far from the truth. Sometimes sex just isn't memorable. The good news is that if you've found someone you really love (or like), it's possible to improve bedroom behavior.

Women's Complex Bodies and Men's Anxiety

Women's bodies are all so different. One woman isn't aroused in nearly the same way as another woman. This can cause a guy to feel inadequate in a new relationship because he has no idea what to do to please you.

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It's highly likely that your guy is using techniques that he successfully tried on other women. The problem is that it doesn't work on you.

If you're unsure on how to move forward without leaving your relationship in the dust, start by communicating with him. You don't want to make him feel awful by saying something like, "I really don't like what you do down there." Instead, try something like, "I would love to show you what gets me going if you want to watch."


Your guy will not object to this if he really wants to please you. He may even be thankful that you're finally giving him a clue about what he needs to do.

If you don't feel comfortable masturbating in front of him, then simply tell him what to do. Having better communication during sex can improve your overall sex life.

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Here's an example:

You guys are getting hot and heavy with some kissing, and his hand starts to creep down to your crotch. You immediately think the worst, because you know it's not going to be a good time with his rough hands that seem to have no control.

Instead of dreading what he is about to do, lay your hand on his and move it the way you like it and want it. Let go at times to see if he gets the hint, if he doesn't, lay your hands on his again to show him what to do again. You can even whisper, "I like it like this...more like this."


When His Penis Is Too Small

Unfortunately, not all men are as well-endowed as you want them to be. For this reason, you need to adjust the sex according to his size.

The best way to accommodate a smaller penis is to lie on your back in missionary position and bring your legs up as close to you as possible. This will help him penetrate deeply, increasing your sensation.

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If you can't bring your legs close enough to you, try to lie on your back or stomach and keep your legs together. When he penetrates you that way, it causes you to be tighter so you'll feel more of him.

When His Penis Is Too Large

Bigger isn't always better. This is especially true when you have a large guy with a petite woman.

To accommodate his large size, make sure you are lubricated enough from foreplay before penetration. Stay on top during intercourse. That way, you can control how deep his penis penetrates.


If he insists on being on top, communicate how far he can go so he doesn't hurt you. You can make him feel a lot better about himself by acknowledging that it's because of him being so large.

Spice It Up to Make Bad Sex Better

People in long-term relationships often think they can't have wild sex. They think because they have been with the person for a while that it's not supposed to be exciting anymore.

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This is simply not true and the reason why so many long-term couples have issues in the bedroom. You can always have wild sex, as long as you make it that way.

Try to bring in different sex toys, so you both can have fun trying them out. It's a perfect way to find out what each of you likes and increase sexual communication.

If you see something on television or a movie you want to try out, watch it with your partner to show him what you would like to do with him. He'll get excited seeing someone else in the moment and then want replicate it with you.


Everyone has fantasies, but not too many people share them, especially with their sex partners. Sharing your fantasies with your partner is one way to make bad sex better.

Scared that he'll think you are too much of a freak? Start with a fantasy that isn't too shocking first to see how he handles it. If he isn't too surprised by it, share a little more as you gain confidence in his reactions. Soon, you'll likely be able to spill out all the parts of your fantasies with the objective of making them come true.

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When Bad Sex Is a Symptom

Many people focus too much on a symptom of a problem, such as bad sex, rather than trying to identify the cause. Many times, the real issue is the relationship and not the sex.

When people are upset, resentful or not emotionally connected to their partners, sex will suffer. They won't feel like doing anything to increase sexual pleasure because they aren't interested in receiving pleasure from it.

To make bad sex better when there are relationship problems, you need to attack the problems outside of the bedroom first. When you develop a stronger bond in your relationship, your sex life naturally will improve.


It Takes Two to Have Better Sex

Making bad sex better involves getting your partner involved. If he is not willing to change because he's not interested in pleasing you as much as you want to please him, you may want to think about your relationship with him.

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Selfishness in the bedroom can sometimes overlap into the relationship, which can cause serious problems. Identifying the reasons why he doesn't want to please you will help you decide if you should move on to someone who is much more attentive to your needs and wants.


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How to Create Your Own 50 Shades of Grey

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past several months, you've undoubtedly heard the rave reviews surrounding E.L. James' book "50 Shades of Grey."

This instant literary phenomenon tells the story of a college student who is being courted into signing a contract to be a "submissive" where she will be dominated by a young, rich businessman. By accepting the twisted dynamic, she will allow him to perform a variety of sexual fantasies on her, that are lagely S&M in nature. The book's erotic and graphic sexual content has made it a hit with women of all ages. It's been branded "mommy porn."

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Judging from the success of James' "50 Shades of Grey," readers are lining up to read about erotica. Just reading this type of content would be enough to make most people blush, let alone write about it.

However, if you feel comfortable writing about sexually explicit content and can effectively create characters that readers can connect to, there is a market for it. If you are interested in writing for this genre, here are some tips to help you with the writing process.


Be Original

Nobody wants to hear the same plot over and over. Having a deliveryman or a repairman come by and seduce the housewife has been done before. Think of something more original. It could be something that's happened in your everyday life, just spiced up a bit. Use your imagination and be creative.

Or you can think of a sexual fantasy that you'd want fulfilled. This may give you some good ideas or at least a good starting point for your writing.

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Give the Readers What They Want

The reason why "50 Shades of Grey" has garnered so much buzz is that it's wish fulfillment on behalf of the readers. The book is giving them something that they're not used to getting at home. So the trick is to come up with a sexual fantasy so off the wall, something that the average couple would be unlikely to engage in.

Erotica is about obtaining the unachievable. Erotica allows readers to live out their fantasies, which makes it so interesting.


However, at the same time, be somewhat realistic. People are real and have flaws. Although you may want your story to have a certain aspect of perfection, having a person who has flaws and vices makes it more exciting. Too much perfection will make your story boring.

Use Proper Wording

In the narration, try to keep some elegance. Try to keep a balance between blunt and euphemistic. It's fine to use some off-color language in the dialogue, but the narration should not use language that is too graphic or unintelligent.

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Give Details

Sure, erotica is about two people having sex. That's a no-brainer. However, you need to add details in order to engage the reader. Any book can say "Then they had sex." How did they have sex? What were they doing? Where did they have sex?

What did the people look like? What were they wearing? What were they saying? These questions need to be addressed with as much detail as possible, or else readers won't be interested.


Don't Move Too Fast or Too Slow

Along the same lines, you don't want the action to move so fast or so slow that readers get confused or bored. Although you want details in your story, don't focus too much on insignificant ones.

At the same time, you want the action to flow at a normal pace. Don't change scenes too quickly. You need to allow time to build up to the sexual act. You shouldn't be talking about sex in the first sentence or even the first chapter of the book. Lead up to it. Allow readers to anticipate it.

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Use Dialogue

A successful work of erotica includes lots of action as well as dialogue. The people involved need to be talking. They can't just meet and have sex right away. Dialogue sets the mood and shows the character's personalities.

Plus, dialogue can make a naughty scene even naughtier, or a silly one even sillier. Also, don"t be afraid to use metaphors or double-entendres. These are when you say one thing, but mean something else (like sex). It works as verbal foreplay, building sexual tension until the main event (the actual sex act).


Do Research

It can be hard to describe sexuality, so do some research if you don't feel comfortable writing. You may want to read stories from other erotica authors to get a feel for the type of description and wording to use. This is especially true for men, who sometimes don't feel the need for description. However, women tend to be more descriptive, so they often have an innate knack for describing things spot-on.

As for the sex scenes themselves, you don't need to have experienced them in real-life, although some authors do choose to go that route. They might describe what they did in first person, which is difficult for new writers.

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However it's best to do whatever makes you feel more comfortable. If you do write about a real-life sexual experience, be mindful that it might offend your partner. Be descriptive without making it too publicly known. Try to maintain some anonymity.

Be Uninhibited

Write as if nobody will read it. Let your creative juices flow and just write. It can make you feel vulnerable because you are exposing a part of yourself and your inner fantasies, but you need to be able to eventually be OK with that and gain a sense of comfort. Start out by writing in somewhat risqué language and then move up to juicier scenes once you feel more comfortable.


It may take some time. Writing about sex is not the same as writing about your pets or your children. Many people still believe sex is taboo, which makes it difficult to express yourself sexually without coming off as a slut.

Admittedly, writing erotica is not for everyone. Some people would die of embarrassment talking about sexual fantasies, let alone writing about them. It takes a special person to be able to write sex scenes without embarrassment.

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Sex sells, and if you are willing to tackle this genre and write successfully, then it could be a lucrative career choice. Follow these tips and make your erotic book go from un-publishable to successful.


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