Some of us imagined that when we had children, we would become a member of a special tribe, a global community of mothers where we'd always be able to find common ground and form strong bonds.

Ideally, that is the way it should be, but reality doesn't always live up to the ideal.

Making friends in general can be a challenge, and that doesn't always change when a woman has children. Many mothers find it difficult to hook up with other moms who live nearby, have common interests and children in the right age group.

Several factors complicate the situation.

• We're not as community-oriented as we used to be. Our culture tends to focus on individual and solitary pursuits like online games, and other electronic entertainment tends to dominate our limited free time.

• Women are extremely busy nowadays with work, errands, and shuttling kids to extracurricular activities. It may be difficult to find a friend who's available to hang out at the same times as you are.
  

• Not all moms are nice. Some are just grown-up versions of middle school mean girls. As competitive as society tends to be, a new mom may feel intimidated about joining a group, for fear that she and her child will be compared with and judged by the other moms and kids.

It's enough to make you turn the stroller around and go home! But don't throw in the burping cloth just yet; there are some strategies you can use to open up your horizons and meet compatible moms.

Where the Moms Are

If you want to meet some other mothers, you'll have to put yourself where mothers gather. This will give you the opportunity to chat with a variety of mothers from various walks of life. Some great places to try include:

• The play corner at your local library;
• The park;
• A Mommy and Me or mom/child yoga class;
• The children's play area at the mall; and
• The recreation center.

As mothers, you have some common conversation topics to share, so you may find it easy to throw in your 2 cents even if you're not the super-talkative type.

In large groups, you're bound to find someone who's interested in chatting. Try not to take rejection too personally. For every stone wall you hit, there's a mother who's easy-going, fun and interested in being a friend.

The Internet has opened the door for millions of people to meet and connect. Mothers have been using the World Wide Web since its inception, sharing child-rearing tips, ideas, and offering emotional support with other moms across the globe.

The Internet can be a good place to start if you're feeling a bit isolated and want to reach out however you can. While chatting, posting and e-mailing aren't the same as live interaction and play dates, they can be intellectually stimulating, fun, and may lead to finding friends you can eventually meet face-to-face.

Mothersclick.com includes a feature that helps you find other moms' groups in your area. You'll find an abundance of mom communities for stay at home moms (or SAHM's, in e-speak), but Mothersclick.com is a space for working moms to connect with each other and express their points of view.

Momzone.com is another general interest site where mothers can post thoughts and share advice. You may even want to jump on the mom-blog bandwagon and add your own opinions and experiences to the mix. You never know, it might help you connect with others who share your feelings.

There are online communities for moms from various backgrounds, religious faiths, and interests. Just do a Google search and you'll likely find one that catches your eye.

Take the Reins

You need to be pro-active if you're going to meet other moms. This may be easy for women who are naturally outgoing and friendly, but it can feel forced for those with a shy or quiet manner.

Special Circumstances

It's particularly challenging for mothers who don't fit societal norm to find mom-friends. For example:

• Mothers of mentally or physically disabled children can find it hard to connect with other mothers. Play dates may be difficult because a child with special challenges probably won't be meeting the same developmental milestones as his peers. Other parents may treat both the special-needs child and his mother differently, and the other children might follow suit.

• Lesbians comprise a very small percentage of the population, and the percentage of lesbian moms is smaller still. Some lesbian mothers might simply blend into the mainstream mom-culture of their local area, while others may encounter exclusion based on homophobia or a general apathy toward anyone who doesn't fit the "normal" mother mold.

Some other cases that make it difficult to meet and bond with other mothers include:

• Living in a rural/low population area;
• Being significantly older or younger than the average mom in your neighborhood; and
• Being a stay-at-home-mom when most other mothers in your neighborhood work, or vice versa.

Women in these and other unique circumstances should use a combination of all the above tips, support groups, and social networking to find mothers who share similar life experiences.

Be a Good Friend

Once you've found a few mothers to spend time with, solidify the friendship by putting time and effort into it. You don't have to be a social dynamo to accomplish this. Respect your friend's feelings, encourage harmony between their children and your own, and show yourself to be a kind and loyal person other moms will want to be around.