5 Ways to Take Control in the Bedroom

Are you looking to take command in the bedroom? Maybe your partner has made the request, and you don't know where to start. Or you've always wondered what it would be like to exercise full control over just what happens (and doesn't happen) between the sheets. Our guide will outline 5 tips and tricks to help you become the dominant force in the bedroom.

Tip #1 - Communicate and Initiate

Sometimes women are reticent about communicating their sexual desires to their partners, including what turns them on, what methods works for them and precisely what needs to happen for them to finish.

So the first step is to know thyself - self-pleasuring is the best way to know for sure what exactly is going on down under. If you don't know what you like, how could you ever expect your lover to know? Once you are thoroughly familiar with what turns you on, be vocal and don't be shy - let him know that you are enjoying what's happening and what isn't working.{relatedarticles}

Now this might be fine and dandy for a regular old romp in the hay, but you're here to take control, right? Once you are comfortable communicating your physical responses to your partner, you can take the liberty of being more aggressive.


Be the one to initiate sex, and tell him you are taking control. Give specific instructions on just where you want to be touched and how, and speak with authority. It's OK to feel somewhat silly when you are first trying out your inner dominatrix, and it's OK to break character to laugh. Confidence will come with experience and practice. Just remember to have fun with this new erotic adventure.

Tip #2 - Be a Flirt and a Tease

Anticipation is a powerful tool. In fact, the lead-up to the actual touch can be even more exhilarating than the touch itself. So take your time and let him know that you will get to him when you're ready. If he protests, reaffirm that you are the one deciding the tempo of this affair.

You could begin with a striptease, allowing him to look but not touch. Another move is the reverse striptease - allowing your lover to see you naked, perhaps in the morning before work, then dressing and preventing any physical contact for the whole work day - which will plant seeds that can only be realized several hours later.{relatedarticles}

Teasing with touch when he's still fully clothed and removing clothing piece by piece when you are ready will draw out the experience. If you suspect he is getting too excited, pull back or focus on another body part.


The key here is taking things slowly. Be flirty, tell him how attractive he is and compliment his body. Tell him exactly what you are going to do to him without doing it (at least not yet). The more he pleads with you, the more you'll know you've done the job well.

Tip #3 - Exercising Restraint

Even when you've asserted that you are the one in control, your partner may not be able to heed your words. If you've informed him he's not to touch you yet, but he does anyway, some form of restraint may be in order.

Using silk rope or hand and ankle cuffs are good introduction to the world of light bondage. If you are planning to incorporate a little bondage in your routine, it's important to talk to your partner first and obtain consent. You should also agree on a stop word. If your lover is initially uncomfortable with the idea of being restrained, you could start with some loose ties that are easy to break free of.{relatedarticles}

As trust is gained, you can up the ante with restraints that truly will confine. You don't necessarily need ropes and cuffs to accomplish this task; you simply could use your body weight to hold his hands down. Blindfolding is another effective way to deny visual pleasure while increasing sensitivity to physical touch.


Tip #4 - Get on Top

Riding cowgirl is the most effective way for a women to control the pace and pleasure of lovemaking. Oftentimes it takes much more stimulation for a woman to reach climax than a man. Experiment with different postures like reverse cowgirl, sitting upright or leaning back, holding him tightly torso-to-torso, or both of you in a sitting position.

From the top position, you can gyrate your hips in a circular motion to hit just the right spots. You are also in control of the thrusting rhythm, giving you power over the speed of things. Grinding your pelvises together will also provide some invigorating clitoral stimulation. Being on top also limits his range of motion, ensuring your sexual escapades will last even longer.

Tip #5 - Be Open to New Experiences

You won't become that sexual force to be reckoned with if you aren't willing to try new things. Exercising control in the bedroom doesn't mean you need to don leathers and a whip. The play for power is sexy business and one you can wield with confidence when you are comfortable with yourself and your partner.{relatedarticles}

There are lots of resources out there, like books and workshops, on the art of female dominance, so check out your local bookstore and community listings. Get some inspiration from movies with strong female-driven love scenes like Clint Eastwood's The Rookie and Nine 1/2 Weeks. Experimenting with role-play can help to quash the jitters and help you to embody an "I'm the boss" type of persona.