Today's Love Tip
If you have kids and a significant other with whom you have frequent arguments or general conflicts, then it's time to examine how that conflict affects the kids. Parents fight and families go through rough times, but experts say that the... Read More
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How to Introduce Your Kids to Your Man

Dating after a divorce can be exciting. You're on your own for the first time, rediscovering yourself and your needs. You're meeting new people and forming new relationships, and you're finally happy. If you have kids, though, it's important to note that you aren't the only one to think of when you begin post-divorce dating.

There are many obstacles you have to overcome when introducing a new boyfriend into your children's lives. Kids are fiercely loyal to their parents, and a new man can make them feel threatened, like it's a betrayal to their father and the life they've grown up with. It also threatens the time and attention they get from their mothers, making them feel neglected and left out. In addition, children are always holding out for their parents to reunite; a new boyfriend just cements the fact that it's not going to happen.


Make sure you take time in introducing your kids to your new mate. It won't be a quick or painless process, but if you take it slow and are calculated in how your kids are exposed to them, a good relationship will develop over time. Here are some tips for introducing your children to your new man:

Make the Initial Meeting Fun

It's important that the first time your kids meet your boyfriend, they don't feel pressured or threatened. Introduce them in a fun, light-hearted environment, like the zoo, a park or a game of laser tag. Make the outing something that's enjoyable for your kids, so when they think of your new guy, they equate it with happiness and fun.

Don't get too serious in the first couple of meetings. Your boyfriend should talk to your kids as friends, taking interest in their lives, having fun with them and developing a good solid foundation. There should be no serious or future-related conversations in the beginning. Keep it light.

Reaffirm your Love for them

Kids often feel threatened by the presence of a new man. Not only does this man mean their dad is definitely not coming back, but it also means that they aren't the only ones in their mom's life anymore.

Children often feel neglected or replaced when their mother starts spending time with a significant other. Going out without them and showing love for someone else makes them feel like less of a priority in your life. Affirm your love for them while you're dating. Make sure they know you will always be there for them and that you do not love them any less just because you have a new man in your life.


Stray from the PDA

PDA (public display of affection) is an outright threat to children. Until this point, your kids have only seen you kiss one man - their father. To see you kiss a new man whom they barely know is just going to confuse and frighten them.

Save the PDA until your children know your new boyfriend and are comfortable around him. Once your kids are comfortable hugging your new man or holding his hand, you can be, too.

Don't be the Dad

Make sure your man doesn't play into the "father" role when meeting your kids the first couple of times. That means no discipline and no overt signs of affection. Pressuring them to see your new boyfriend as a father is only going to backfire, bringing up feelings of loyalty to their father.


Give your children time to get to know your man before letting them see him as a father-type figure. Over time, they will adjust to your guy's presence and this will fall into place.

Focus on Small Doses

Don't overwhelm your children. Let them meet your boyfriend in small, short doses - not for full days at a time. Give them time to process this new person in their lives and form their own opinions and ideas about the relationship. This will allow them time to ask you questions and discuss any concerns with you.

This also ensures your kids don't feel left out or neglected by all the time you're spending with your new man.

No Arguing

Children are fiercely protective of their mothers, so make sure your man keeps this in mind when spending time around you and your kids. One unkind word or mean look sent in your direction could anger and upset your children, forever changing the way they see him.

Tell your guy not to argue with you in front of them. If he needs to discuss something, ask him to save it for later, when the two of you are alone. Doing so in front of the kids will cause them to come to your defense or attack him. Neither of which are good for a budding relationship.


Give Gifts

A little bribery never hurt anyone. Encourage your new guy to bring gifts or treats to your kids the first few times when meeting them. This will give them good memories of him, and make them want to see him again.

It could be a small toy they've been wanting, their favorite candy, or just buying them dessert at dinner. Anything that equates a "good" or "fun" feeling with your new guy is a smart move.

Have Candid Conversations

Let your kids know they can talk to you about any questions or concerns they may have. In turn, make sure your kids know what your needs and wants are, and what your motivation for beginning to date again is. Tell them what your end goal is - happiness for both you and them.

If you're recently divorced and are starting to date, it's important to take time in introducing your children and your new boyfriend. Kids often feel threatened and angered by the presence of a new man in their mother's lives, so take steps to prevent that.


Make introductions fun, and don't overwhelm them. Have frank discussions, and make sure they know you're there for them and love them unconditionally. Give them time to process the changes in their lives, and soon enough, the pieces will fall into place.

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Thoughts on Saving Your Marriage

By Michael Corrano

Sadly, when couples reach a point where they can no longer communicate with one another and all roads to reconciliation are closed, they tend to believe it is the end, when in fact, in most cases it is very likely a grounds for a breakthrough, and not only save their marriage, but grow together, gain stronger faith in one another and confidence in the relationship.

Coming out of such a situation in one piece will not only strengthen your relationship but the passion will be so much stronger. Passion and love are mostly based on trust and grounds of safety, and with both having the confidence and the ability to deal with issues as they come up, you can't even begin the imagine what your relationship can reach in terms of love and affection for one another.{relatedarticles}

So, what are things you could do when facing a situation? Here are a few thoughts for your consideration:

1- Calm down, don't rush in making decisions. One of the most important things it to do is to remind yourself constantly, that in a situation like this, you may not be thinking clearly, and rushing to any decision may not be a wise thing to do. Try to find avenues to relax, spend some time reflecting, this could either be through mediation, a relaxing hobby like fishing, a sport, or even reading a novel (make sure it isn't related to anything negative about relationships, that's the last thing you need).

2- Focus 80% of your energy on the solution and 20% of the problem. This really applies to anything in life, if you focus on the problem, then all you'll be able to see is the problem, and your mind will be limited in what options it can give you. However when you see a solution in your mind while acknowledging the problem, your mind is much more useful in helping you out.

3- If your spouse isn't cooperating, it doesn't mean that's it. Sometimes your spouse might have been harboring long term resentment that keeps on getting fueled by certain actions you might be completely unaware of. The key is to be patient, because it is possible to reverse the situation, as things do come through but a bit slower than expected, because your spouse needs to feel that the new you is for real, and not some temporary fix.{relatedarticles}

4- Look inside yourself. It is normal to be selfish in certain matters, but often our selfishness affects our spouse. Most times we can't see it as emotionally draining for our partner in marriage, so we really need to reflect, ask ourselves questions, maybe we are doing something our partner has complained numerous occasions but we just failed to see it, because we were so in tuned with ourselves.

The key is to identify it, and if you find yourself saying: "but I have a right to do so" or "they get to do the things they like and I don't say anything about it" then you are asking the wrong questions. The right questions always replace "me" with "we", when you see things from a married couple's perspective instead of your own, everything changes. And don't worry, your spouse is likely to meet you half way once they see a shift in you and new hope.

The best action to take, is all possible actions, not one of two, because you never know what could work for you. Also watch for what is working and what isn't, and make sure you are doing more of what works. With the right intentions and a bit of courage, you and your spouse will get through this difficulty and experience the warmth of the sun on the bright side.{relatedarticles}

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Sex Myths Explored

Men are always thinking about sex. Happy couples have a lot of awesome sex. Planned sex isn't romantic or satisfying. The myths are everywhere, and even if they might not be painted on billboards, somehow, at one point or another, many of us have ended up believing 1 of these common lies.

The mythology surrounding sex is perhaps the most perpetuated in the world, possibly in all of creation. There are some social and psychological explanations for why people believe the things that they do about sex, sure, but we can put an end to the nonsense right now by debunking some of the most popular and outrageous sex myths.

Men want sex more than women do. Not at all. Unlike men, however, women's sexual desires are more subject to the whims of hormone cycles. Men receive a regular, steady supply of hormones to their brain, whereas women's monthly hormonal changes make them more prone to have a lot of sex at certain times of the month, and disinclined others.

Men are always ready for sex. This might be true of newly post-pubescent high school and college students. Young men generally think about sex all day, no matter what other activities they are (or should be) engaged in. Once a man reaches his mid-20s, however, other parts of his life start to take center stage, whether it's studies or a career, and real-life stressors start to catch up to that once indefatigable sex drive.

Men are susceptible to the same stressors women are, and pressure, money, arguments, work, and the foibles of life drain sexual desire, just like they do for women.

Men are more promiscuous than women. Well... this one is kind of true, but not as true as you might think, because women tend to underestimate their sex lives, while men tend to overestimate, according to a recent poll. This is likely because of societal pressures placed on both sexes.

Because of this, men believe that they are expected to behave in a certain way, and that they are somehow measured by the number of women with whom they have slept. While there is a whole argument to be made about how these types of messages are encouraging the wrong kind of behavior, that's for another day.

If you're good in bed, you can please anyone. While it's likely that someone with a good deal of experience and practice will turn out to be a better romp in the sheets than a virgin, experience isn't everything. Your emotional and psychological state can have as much an influence over your bedroom experience.

Happy couples have great sex all the time. Life and its pressures get in the way often, especially for a couple that has children. Sometimes it can be hard to line up mutual schedules and still feel in the mood. Just because you're not having sex multiple times per week doesn't mean there is something wrong with your sex life, and if you and your partner don't feel the urge to do so that often, then what's the big deal?

That doesn't necessarily mean that a couple that has been married for 8 years and has 2 children can't have a fantastic sex life, but their definition of that sex life may be different from yours. Like anything, your perception of your sex life is subjective, and if you and your partner are both satisfied, that's really all that matters.

If you plan to have sex and it isn't spontaneous, something is wrong with your sex life. No, you and your partner just have a busy life outside the bedroom, and there's nothing wrong with that. The hormones that fuel spontaneous desire tend to lapse after about 18 months or so of being in a relationship, although many couples find that desire takes a dramatic dip after about 9 months of dating.

That doesn't mean you and your partner will never again be attracted to one another, but gentle reminders to both your brain and your body can help. Spontaneous sex is good, but the anticipation of a planned evening also makes for an enjoyable experience.

Most women orgasm through intercourse. Few myths have been perpetuated as much as this one has. Only about 30% of women orgasm from penetration alone, according to some studies, and many need clitoral stimulation in order to achieve climax. This is no one's fault, and it doesn't mean there is anything wrong with a woman's body or with a man's performance.

If the female body were re-imagined, maybe someone would have the good sense to put the clitoris inside the vagina instead of outside of it. Sure, some women have fabulous orgasms from penetrative sex and love it, but that's the exception, not the rule.

Women don't like dirty sex or porn. Completely false. Not all men are pornography connoisseurs, and not all women want rose petals on their pillows. Every person is different and has different preferences, and those preferences don't have anything to do with gender.

Watching porn isn't necessarily a guy thing, and researchers from Washington University's School of Medicine found that when women look at erotic images, they experience the same rapid increase in brainwave activity that men do. Some men enjoy a romantic evening, some enjoy pornography, many enjoy both, and the same is true for women as well.

If someone has an affair, it's because he or she doesn't love their partner. If your partner cheats on you, it doesn't necessarily mean that you are not loved, but it is a pretty strong indicator that he doesn't respect you enough to be faithful to you. (This only goes for relationships in which both partners have mutually agreed to be monogamous, of course.)

People cheat for a variety of reasons, and while some fall back on the excuse of sex addiction or alcohol or circumstance, the truth is that it's a complex issue that can't be reduced to just 1 variable or another. Just remember maintain the value of your own morals in this case.

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