Are you a single mom and ready to mingle? The thought of the bar scene could be intimidating, and the pickings at the PTA meeting are slim. Dipping a toe in the dating pool could be a little easier if you start online. Online dating has exploded in popularity in recent years. More than 40 million people in the U.S. alone report using online dating sites, and more than 20 percent of Americans who report being in a serious relationship have met their partners online. Sites like eHarmony and Match.com boast 35 million members. Many people believe that online dating is the future of relationships, and for good reason - 17 percent of marriages in 2011 resulted from the use of dating Web sites. Before you log on, check out the dos and don'ts of online dating.
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DO remember that your child is your first priority. Spending hours online in chat rooms or with your phone glued to your hand diminishes the quality of time you spend together and can create feelings of neglect and distrust in your child. If this is a man you truly want to spend time with, he will understand.
DO be clear with your child's father. While you may not be in a relationship anymore, the father of your children may have certain expectations as to what you can and can't do when it comes to dating and who your children are exposed to. You need to cut the emotional and physical ties you may have with your ex before exploring a new relationship. Don't let him find your profile online - 'fess up first.
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DON'T rush. Just because you received 20 messages in an hour doesn't mean you need to respond to all of them or set up dates with each person. Take the time to read each profile carefully and even do a little outside research such as entering their names in a search engine, doing a police records search or looking up their social media profiles. You want to make sure you are surrounding yourself with safe and positive people.
DON'T be dishonest. Think about how you would feel if you showed up for a date with a handsome 40-something dentist, only to find a balding, elderly grocery clerk. Post a recent but flattering photo of yourself and be truthful about your age, occupation, income and the fact that you have children. Potential partners will find out sooner or later that you don't look like Angelina Jolie, so start on an honest note.
DON'T choose dates based solely on their photos. It's easy to look for the Brad Pitts or Georgia Clooneys, but you may find that the men who look "normal" or "plain" in their photos may be charming and much more interesting than eye-candy in person. The same goes for likes and interests. While it's good to have something in common with a potential date, it's also important to have a partner who can teach and show you new things and viewpoints.
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DO stay safe and smart. Never reveal too much personal information about yourself in your profile or preliminary interactions with a potential date. Your home address, place of business, phone number - these are all off limits until you know this person can be trusted. Always choose a public place for a first date, and let someone else know where you are going and when you expect to be back.
DO speak on the phone before agreeing to an in-person date. It's easy to sound perfect when you have hours and days to work on writing your profile, and people could have someone else ghost-writing for them. In a phone call, you can get a better sense of someone's personality. If you're staring at your watch wishing the call was over while he drones on about his golf game, or you're struggling to find a topic to discuss, move on.
DON'T be negative. You may have had some bad experiences in dating and relationships on and offline, but starting your profile out with a statement like "I don't play games, and if you are cheating liar don't bother contacting me" can send men running or set off the "crazy" detector. Start the online dating process with an open mind.
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DON'T be a stalker. If you a message a person and he doesn't answer right away, don't follow up with several nasty emails about how rude he is or how he's missing out on his dream woman. Some people set up accounts and forget about them or don't go through with the process, so you're bound to end up with a few dead ends.
DO use caution when introducing new people to your children. While you may feel comfortable with someone right away, he could end up not being who he says he is. You don't want to be left having to explain an awkward story to your children about why he won't be coming around anymore. Use your best judgment and take into consideration your children's age and maturity level when deciding to introduce them to someone you are seeing.
DON'T overdo it on the kid talk. While it's good for a potential date to know that you have children, they shouldn't be the focus of your interactions. Your profile should be about you and your life. Yes, your children are a part of that life, but just like they don't want to hear about their mom dating, your date doesn't want to read countless emails about their ballet recital or hear stories about science projects. And meeting at a Chuck E. Cheese is definitely out of the question.
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DO look for niche dating Web sites that cater specifically to single parents. A quick Internet search will point you to a half-dozen sites where you can connect with other single parents who are returning to the dating scene. If you are looking for someone who understands the trials and tribulations of parenting instead of weeding through hundreds of profiles to find another single parent, try it.
Putting yourself out there as a single parent ready to date again can be nerve-wracking, but online dating can offer you a way to ease into the process. Follow these guidelines, and you'll be on logged in for love.
