As if you needed even more tension between you and the in-laws...When kids come along, so does the advice - many times, unwanted - from in-laws and other relatives. How do you keep the peace and adhere to your own child-rearing principles when your pushy relatives have their own ideas about raising kids? Parents rank different beliefs - whether religious, punishment-related, or about money or gifts - as major conflicts with family members.{relatedarticles}The first thing to do is shore up your beliefs and preferences with your partner. Ideally, you will have discussed those hot-button issues and each of your feelings about them before you had children. You should also have some sort of idea of your in-laws' belief system before you have children - a heads-up for what you'll be dealing with when you have children is always helpful.
It's important to realize that whatever your in-laws do that drive you crazy is done out of love for your child, and telling your mother-in-law or whomever it is to stop the behavior is akin to telling her not to love your child, which can be hurtful. Explaining gently why what she's doing doesn't work for your family is the first step. The discussion may begin something like this: "I know you love Johnny very much, but he's not used to having so many sweets. Would you mind serving him healthier snacks when he visits?"{relatedarticles}Again, being sure that you and your partner are on the same page is crucial to reinforcing the message. In fact, many parents agree to handle their respective parents when conflicts arise. When the message comes from the relative's own blood relative, then it may be better received and taken to heart. Try to understand your in-laws' motivation for doing what they're doing before going on the offensive. The idea is to keep them in your child's life, no matter how you personally feel about them.