We've all had a moment in the heat of passion when our heart rate is raised and our faces flush for a reason other than pleasure or passion. We're talking about pure embarassment. Whether it's that first awkward encounter with a new lover, not feeling good in a post-baby body or a general lack of experience, low self-esteem and confidence in the boudoir can be the ultimate libido buster. You're not alone and you're not doomed! Check out these 7 ways you can become more confident in the bedroom.
Grin and Bare It - Taking off your clothes in front of someone whether you've known them for a few minutes or a few years can be nerve-wracking. Insecurity about our bodies being less than perfect can put the kibosh on a passionate evening. Getting over the fear of stripping down to your skivvies can be as easy as giving yourself a reality check.{relatedarticle}
Think about your body and interactions with a partner rationally - if you don't have big breasts with your clothes on, no one will expect you to when you disrobe. If that doesn't help, try spending more time in the nude.
Even just lounging around the house or spending a few extra minutes without dressing after a shower can help you become more comfortable in your birthday suit. If all else fails, turn off the lights or leave on something that covers you and is sexy like a camisole or lacey bra.
Educate Yourself - Read up on the karma sutra, watch a video, look at sexy pictures or take a pole dancing class. Anything you can do increase your knowledge of all things sexy will make it easier for you to switch things up in the boudoir if you're feeling boring or routine. This is also a good way to identify what you do and don't like. Plus, checking out risqué material is a great form of foreplay.
Fake it Until You Make It - Sure, playing Sexy Sally the Secretary might make you cringe but pretending to be into it for the sake of your partner's pleasure could end up making you feel more powerful and confident. By agreeing to new sexual experiences you will begin to feel more comfortable and the apprehension will fade.{relatedarticle}
Even if your hands are shaking or you feel like you might laugh - pin him down, don the cowgirl outfit or talk dirty. It will all be worth it in the end. However, remember that if your partner is asking you to do something you feel is unsafe or makes you extremely uncomfortable - get out of there.
Stop Looking at What Everyone Else is Doing - Watching television, flipping through a fashion magazine or trolling the internet for hours may be fine for a lazy Sunday but if you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to models, actresses or the scenes in romantic comedies you are sure to set yourself up for failure.
The models are airbrushed, the actresses coached and the storylines aren't real. It's important to remember this when evaluating your own body and relationship. Doing whatever is comfortable and works for you is what's right not what you see on a screen or in a glossy book.
Don't Obsess Over the Big "O" - It is not uncommon to hear stories of women who have been having sex for years without reaching orgasm or who think of themselves as a complete failure if their partner fails to achieve one.{relatedarticle}
Putting pressure on yourself to make sure you have an orgasm or comparing your self-worth and sexiness to your partner having one can make sex so stressful that it is no longer fun or pleasurable but instead turns into a chore or an anxious "test." Relax and let yourself be present in the moment. Focus on the feelings and stimulation you do feel instead of what you think might be missing.
Change Your Location - Bedrooms are places for sleeping but many hours of our lives are spent in this room. Bedrooms can easily turn into offices, television hideouts, dining room tables and playrooms that can squash intimacy.
You may lose your mojo if you're looking at a stack of work papers or your baby's pacifier mid-coitus so it's important to change it up from time to time and take it out of the bedroom. The living room couch can be just as exhilarating as the phone booth down the street if it's what you need to feel sexy again.
See a Professional - If you've tried different techniques on your own to no avail, it may be time to call in a professional. A psychologist, family physician or both can be excellent resources if you just can get past your shyness.
A psychologist or sex therapist can help you work through your issues and offer you solutions while a physician can make sure there isn't an underlying health issue creating your sexual problems. Sexual dysfunction in both mind and body are nothing to be ashamed of and it's important to identify and resolve issues as soon as possible.{relatedarticle}
Remember that sexual confidence is not something that you need to validate you. In fact, obsessing over it and can actually make you feel worse and be a turn-off for you partner. Know yourself and know your body.
Accepting yourself and your limitations will not only open up the door for a better sexual experience, you will begin to feel empowered in other areas of your life like career and parenting. Use these 7 tips to get started, but don't stop there. The more you allow yourself to ease up and open your mind and take chances, the better the outcome.
