Parents and relatives offer a special dilemma when they have a long-standing history of aiding and abetting various food transgressions: Aunt Millie, who loves to bake dozens of your favorite cookies; Grandpa, who has always secretly smuggled candy bars in past Grandma's watchful eye; the ever-present mother who shows her love by cooking and feeding her brood. The longer the habit or ritual in family life, the harder it is to break.

Also, it is difficult to be assertive when you realize the person is not consciously attempting to harm you. In fact, they often see their actions as loving or affectionate.

The hidden bonus in these often guilt-ridden situations is that they are the perfect ground to practice boundary-setting. Try to see your well-meaning relatives, spouse, parents or siblings as built-in practice participants.

Start with easy boundaries. Do you only see Aunt Millie once or twice a year? Gently tell her you want to visit her and spend time with her, but your tastes have changed and you are not as fond of cookies as you were as a child. If she insists on making them, simply do not eat them! Not even one!

When you notice other people interfering with how or what you eat, look for agendas like guilt, jealousy, fear, control issues, resentment, and loss of socialization. Changing the status quo of a relationship when a great deal of the relationship is built on eating together always stirs up some complicated emotions.

When embarking on a healthier lifestyle, it's important to foresee these issues arising and be prepared to address them. Here are some tips for doing that:

(1) Be clear and direct about what concerns you. Don't let resentments or jealousy grow.

(2) Be curious. Ask questions of your friend, relative or partner. Rather than accuse them of jealousy, try "What's going on here?" or "Tell me what you're thinking."